Joys and Regrets

One thing is for sure in life, and that is that you’ll always have things that you are happy you did, and have regrets about those things you did not do.

The best thing in my life has been my marriage to Barb. She’s not just a spouse; she’s my best buddy. We do everything together, and I love being with her. Yeah, there are a few differences between us, but for the most part we’ve gone through life in lockstep. We had our 30th wedding anniversary yesterday, and I sincerely hope that we can go for at least another thirty years together.

One thing we’re also experiencing a lot of joy about is my nephew Graham’s graduation from Seattle University. The kid is smart. When he graduated from high school, he was the valedictorian and delivered a speech that was completely different from any other valedictory speech I’ve ever heard. In it, he described an absurd situation that he and a friend had gotten into at one point. The tag line? Being valedictorian doesn’t mean you’re smart; it just means that you have gotten good grades. A wonderful speech, since it showed that even the smartest kid in school can be extremely stupid in some situations.

Well, four years later and he’s now at the top of the College of Engineering at Seattle University, graduating this Sunday with a Bachelor of Science in Mechanical Engineering, Magna Cum Laude with Minors in Physics and Mathematics. He’s been accepted for grad school at MIT, which is just tremendous.

If Barb and I had decided to have a kid, that child would hopefully be graduating from college about now as well. We thought about it, and our decision to not have children is one of the regrets of my life. It was basically my fault; most of my life I suffered from extreme anxiety due to depression, and whenever I thought about having to raise a child, it brought me to near-panic status. So for years I did everything I could to really avoid having a child. By the time I finally had my depression diagnosed, began medication, and began to see life as a series of interesting challenges rather than a parade of terrifying events, it was too late for us to have kids.

The moral of this story? Don’t let fear rule your life. If there is something that is causing you paralyzing anxiety, it can probably be fixed. Make sure that you maximize the joys in your life, and hopefully have as few regrets as possible.